I am finally backI faltered @ 8:55 a.m. on 02-03-02
Hey I am back! It's been a weird two weeks not writing. There were times when I was so tempted to write an entry, but stopped myself because I needed the break. I went to a friends house last week, she also has two kids. I think it was good for me, and the kids to be around other people our ages. Joey started night school to get his GED last week. I heard that it is harder then just going through highschool and getting a diploma. I don't envy Joey. My soon to be brother inlaw is in the hospital, for a while no one was sure if he would live. He had been internally bleeding. I don't know the whole story, but his liver had been cut by accident by some idiot doctor from another hospital. They had sent him home, and he kept going back untill finally going to the hospital he is in now. When he gets out he plan to sue the idiots that almost killed him with their incompetance. It's weird because I was paranoid about people dying. I am glad my bro inlaw is ok. My mom's friend has had a pretty bad year so far. Her husband died in his sleep New Years morning, and she came home and found him. Well yesterday she came home to find her brother had hung himself in the barn. I am so scared for her now, She has been through so much. She didn't deserve this. No one deserves something like this. I hope she will be okay, but I doubt it. I know there have been times when I wanted to kill myself, and even tried a couple times. I couldn't imagine that now. It would hurt so many people, especially my babies. I still remember the times I felt like there was no other way to get away from the overwhelming pain. It was the worst times in my life. I never want to go through that again, but I most likely will. Hopefully I am strong enough to get through anything. The only thing that I could never recover from is if something happened to my kids. I truly believe they are what saved me, so many times that I felt hopeless. I gotta go clean now, but if anyone is reading this, please tell the ones you love that you do love them. It's nice to hear sometimes, and it's feels good to say it.