Dwelling on the past.I faltered @ 1:17 p.m. on 04-18-02
For some reason all day I have been having memories of crappy situations I had with people in my life. Like my last year living on Cape Cod just about every friend I had stabbed me in the back. Some of them never really were my friends I guess. They always acted like they were doing me a favor by hanging out with me, I was never cool enough for them. Sometimes I get so angry thinking back on those days. I was so naive, so desperate for friendship that I let these people to walk all over me. Those experiences gave me rather cynical view on friendship, and relationships in general.
Then there was Austin. I did everything I could to make his parents like me. I put up with them telling me my mom didn't love me. I put up with them criticising all my opinions. I put up with their bullshit for nearly two years before I decided they could kiss my ass. Those people disgust me now, I don't understand how I could have ever wanted them to like me.
Why have I been thinking about all this crap? This happens like twice a month, and I dwell on it for hours. It's the past and it should not bother me anymore, but it does. I may never trust another person because of all of that crap. Maybe that's a good thing, I was just way too trusting before.
Damn! I missed the first 15 minutes of All My Children, Grrrrr. Gotta go! Talk later.