Confused.I faltered @ 10:22 p.m. on 10-21-02
Okay I'm kinda in a wierd mood anyway so I'll tell my secret. I have a new boyfriend. I know that's not much of a secret, but considering how much my ex would freak, it kinda is. This is the first relationship I've been in since Austin, and I was with Austin off and on for four years. I mean there's been guys that I nearly ended up with...but it never worked out because they were the rebound guys. This one isn't a rebound guy though. His name is Matt, and I mentioned him briefly at the end of this entry a few months ago. Then I did this entry with an AIM convo I had with Joey about him. As it turned out, he liked me too. We've been together for nearly three weeks now. He's very nice, and I like him a lot.
The thing is....I'm scared that I will get too attached to him too soon. See he was supposed to be my safe crush...where it would be impossible to get hurt because he would never know that I liked him. It was fun flirting with him everytime I went to Lil'champ, he seemed to appreciate my odd sense of humer. Well Joe hooked me up with him, and now he's my boyfriend. I'm not used to having a boyfriend anymore. Sometimes I don't know what to expect. I know he likes me, but there are times I let my anxiety get the best of me, and I end up convincing myself that he will dump me at any moment. A lot of my problem is that I've become extremely depressed the last few months, and my anxiety is getting worse. I'm worried that my insecureties will ruin this relationship. I don't want that to happen...but...sometimes I wonder if some sick part of me likes being unhappy.