Eh It doesn't matter.I faltered @ 3:39 p.m. on 12-13-01
I don't have much time to write, got to wake mom up soon. I tried wrapping some presents this morning but it didn't go over too well with the kids. At this rate the presents wont get wrapped till after Christmas. I think mom will be getting me gold membership with diaryland for X-mas:-) Oh God I really hope my son will be here on X-mas. He may not be because Austin might want him this year, I really hope not though. I guess thats part of the reason I have been depressed, not being with my little boy on that day would just fuck with the whole day. Also a year ago this week I found out Austin had spent the weekend with another girl. He had called me from her house to start trouble, and when I called his house(thinking he was there)his mom told me he was at his new girlfriends house. How could he call me from her house like that? How can he blow off his own son just to some sluts house? How can he than call me AGAIN from HER house saying he is sorry and wants me back? And like the idiot that I was took him back, and he still blew me off so he could call her. It's been a year and I should be over it, but I am not. He never asked for forgiveness, and I never gave it to him. There is so much more to the story, but I won't get into it now. It's just that if you love someone ,really love someone how can you hurt them repeatedly? I love him, but not with absolute trust, not with the feeling that we will always be together. If it's going to work I need those things back.